


Frostbite and Ice and Nothing Is Nice

by IsleofCrete



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: A Ski Trip AU that no one asked for, And the belief that this is how Alexander would react to snow, Christmas, Christmas Shopping, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Holidays, I didn't really ask for it, Inspired by some of my skiing adventures, M/M, Mountains, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, SO MUCH FLUFF, Shopping, Skiing, Snow, Snowboarding, Vacation, Winter, so much gay, well nearly everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofCrete/pseuds/IsleofCrete
Summary: Alexander is not too terribly pleased with the fact that it is winter. He is even less pleased when Washington announces that he's letting everyone use his house up in the mountains to stay at over the holidays so they can ski and snowboard. Only one problem, Alex doesn't 'do' winter or either sport. This should be fun for everyone.





	1. It Gets Colder Than This?!

**Author's Note:**

> I ski. A lot. And this begged to be written. Some of it is based on my own experiences. And the fact that Alex would have no idea what winter is. No one asked for this or probably even wants this, but here you go. Enjoy all the fluff!

Alexander was not having the best day. He’d woken up to his very warm apartment and John, only to find a freezing monstrosity outside. A freezing monstrosity known as winter. Like, why the fuck did it even exist?

Needless to say, Caribbean Alex from Nevis had no idea what ‘winter’ actually was. Winter for him meant temperatures in the sixties and dealing with an endless amount of rain. Winter did NOT mean not being able to feel any body part or being cold in general. 

This was his first winter in New York in the first place and he didn’t quite know what to think. Granted, this wasn’t his first winter in the States, but somehow he’d managed to avoid all of the freezing monstrosities. And he wished he could avoid it again. 

Alex threw off his covers and stormed into the kitchen in only a pair of very baggy sweatpants. John did not follow him out of the blanket cocoon, opting to watch the wind blowing from outside their apartment window.

“Will someone care to explain to me what in the actual FUCK is that white shit out there?” Alex demanded of Hercules and Lafayette. Herc looked up from his plate of eggs and raised an eyebrow. Laf finished pouring his coffee and grinned.

“Alex, I’m not answering any question of yours until you put a damn shirt on,” Herc said and went back to eating.

“It’s cocaine,” Laf staged-whispered when Herc wasn’t looking. Herc choked before he glared in Laf’s direction. Alex snorted and Laf laughed at his own joke.

“It’s _not_ cocaine, Gilbert,” Herc shot that at Laf, who stuck his tongue out. “It’s snow.”

“What the fuck is that and why the fuck is it here?” Alex asked. 

“I don’t know, Alex. Why don’t you use one of your bajillion degrees to find out?” John asked sarcastically as he emerged from the bedroom. He had a large, fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He stumbled over to Laf and took the coffee cup right out of his hands. 

“John, _tu baise_ , get your own damn coffee!” Laf exclaimed indigently. John gave him the middle finger as he downed the coffee. 

“Alex, how do you seriously not know what snow is?” Herc wondered. 

“CauseitnevergotcoldinNevis?” Alex mumbled, looking down as he said it.

“Bullshit, it never got really cold in South Carolina, but we still got snow once or twice!” John blurted out after refilling Laf’s stolen cup of coffee. Laf eventually gave up and got a new cup before joining Herc at the table.  

“Okay Alex, snow crash course. It’s frozen water. It’s cold and wet and it sticks to things. Same with ice, except ice is more slippery. Got it?” Herc explained. Alex rolled his eyes.

“I mean, I know that, but why is it here?” 

“Because we’re in, how you say, New York, _toi idiot_!” Laf said. 

“Yes, but why is it so cold?” Alex whined. 

“What part of New York is in the North do you not understand?” Herc asked. 

“Alex, stop asking questions and come eat breakfast already!” John called out from his make-shift blanket fort on the table. 

“Laurens, get your damn blanket off my table before I throw my banana at you. And Hamilton, put on a damn shirt before you think about sitting down,” Herc ordered, pointing said banana at Alex. 

“Don’t point that at me, point it at Laf!” Alex joked before backing out of the room to grab John’s sweatshirt. Laf snorted, nearly causing his coffee to come out his nose.

“Back to the topic of Alex’s lack of snow knowledge, we need to put together a list of movies to watch while we’re on the trip,” Herc said. 

“Ooh! Add _Frozen_!” Laf said excitedly, having recovered from Hamilton’s early morning innuendo.

“You would,” Herc scoffed, but nevertheless wrote it down on the notepad he’d just pulled out. It was titled _Things to Pack_ and had been started the day before. 

“Put _Better Off Dead_ on that list,” John said, his voice still slightly muffled from his blanket that had yet to come off the table. “That’s a good one and it gives good advice.”

“What list?” Alex asked as he walked back into the room now wearing one of John’s sweatshirts. Herc rolled his eyes, but didn’t comment on Alex’s choice of clothing. 

“Vacation,” Lafayette said simply. He got up and walked over to the fridge. 

“To where, exactly? And why isn’t that you haven’t told me until now?” Alex was now suspicious. 

“Because you were mentally dying from exams last week,” John answered. He’d finally pulled the blanket off of his head. Alex was now the one to roll his eyes.

“And because Washington just told us like three days ago,” Herc added.

“Oh. That only makes me feel slightly better,” Alex resolved. 

“Chin up, _mon ami_ , we get to go on vacation with all of our friends during your break,” Laf reasoned as he pulled an avocado out of the fridge. “And don’t try and talk your way out of it, your school doesn’t start back up until the end of January.”

“Alex, for God’s sake just eat! Washington wants to see all of us today and we need to go Christmas shopping,” John exclaimed. Alex groaned, but still flopped onto the chair next to John.

And then something else caught John’s eye. The something else being the Marquis de Lafayette, who was in the process of biting into his avocado like an apple. John kicked Hercules under the table so he would look at his boyfriend. Herc’s response to Lafayette’s eating habits was to pull his beanie down over his eyes and not-so-gently place his head on the table. Alex made a gagging noise. 

“Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette, what the FUCK do you think you are doing eating an avocado like that, you motherfucking HEATHEN!!” John shouted at full volume. 

“I’m too sober for this,” Herc mumbled into the table. Laf’s response to John’s outburst was to walk even closer to John and start eating his avocado right next to John’s face. John’s response to Lafayette’s closer proximity was to leave the table. Lafayette cackled. 

“We’re leaving in an hour, _mon ami_!” Laf called out to him. John, without turning around, flipped him off.

* * *

“We’re doing WHAT?!” Alex said in disbelief. Quite loudly. Right in everyone’s faces. John was not very impressed.“C’mon, Alex, it’ll be fun!” Peggy claimed. She was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. 

“I’m sorry, but how is sliding down a mountain ON SNOW on two pieces of wood in the freezing cold fun?”

“ _Mon ami_ , Washington is letting us use his house in the mountains for two weeks over Christmas, you should be thanking him,” Lafayette reasoned. 

“Besides, you aren’t paying,” Angelica added. Alex opened and closed his mouth several times before giving in. 

“Hamilton, for once, can you just accept the fact that you’ve been given a gift and say thank you?” Jefferson demanded. Alex’s head shot up and he glared in Jefferson’s direction. 

“I just don’t see the point of going up to the mountains, WHERE THERE WILL BE SNOW, to go on vacation,” Alex argued back. Madison rolled his eyes. Theodosia was the one to break the staring contest him and Madison. 

“Maybe Alex is upset because he feels he’ll be left out because he doesn’t engage in winter, um, activities,” she threw out.

“Theo, I just threw up in my mouth a little. When did Burr die and _why_ did you replace him?” Alex demanded with a glare.

“Alexander,” Burr warned from next to Theo. “Can you not insult my fiancée, and by extension, me, while I’m standing right here?”

“Sorry, Burr. I just didn’t expect for Theo to start talking like she has a stick up her ass, the way you usually do!” Alex once again insulted. This earned him a very loud laugh from a majority of the room, including Theo. Burr simply pressed his lips into a thin line and said nothing. 

“Alex, how about we go out shopping for Christmas gifts later and we can look into getting you some cold weather gear?” Eliza proposed. Alex was caught off guard by the statement.

He felt slightly guilty. With finals, and all the stress and work that came with them, and then his job at the campus library, Alex had all but completely pushed the idea of the holidays out of his mind.

“I’m coming with you!” John declared. “I still need to pick up some gifts and I’m going to make sure that Alex doesn’t try to conveniently ‘forget’ winter gear for this trip.” John used air quotes, which made Alex roll his eyes. 

“Does anyone else need anything while we’re out?”  Eliza asked. Everyone shook their head. Eliza smiled back at them. “Fantastic! I’ll go get the car then.”

Alex took a breath and followed her outside. It was just vacation with his friends. In the mountains. With snow. Partaking in an activity he never thought he’d ever try. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The avocado story is a true story I share with my friend. I just thought this was cute and fluffy and it made me happy to write. I don't know how long it will end up being, but it's fun to write. Kudos and comments are always welcome! Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> French translations for those wondering:  
> tu baise= you fuck  
> toi idiot= you idiot


	2. Winter Shopping is the Tenth Circle of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping goes as well as one might expect, especially for something that Alex has no interest in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when something is the 'tenth circle of hell', it means that it's the worst possible thing imaginable. Had to look that up, but I know what I mean.

Alex swore that if he had to look at one more rack of gloves he was going to lose it. He had been dragged around the mall by John and Eliza for the past two hours. Sure, he’d managed to pick up gifts for people that he hadn’t otherwise had time to get. At least that was one burden taken off of his mind.

It wasn’t that he _didn’t_ enjoy spending time with John and Eliza, it was just that he hated shopping. He saw this entire vacation idea as completely pointless and detested the fact that he was supposed to obtain the necessary materials for said vacation. He could spend time with his friends at home where it was warm and not have to worry about driving somewhere.

Speaking of which, Alex still had no idea where they were even going. There weren’t really any ski resorts near them, not like he’d looked it up or anything. That meant that he would be spending an unknown amount of time shoved into a car with all of their stuff because there was no way Washington was going to pay for that many plane tickets. 

Alex was shaken out of his thoughts by a pair of gloves slapping him in the face. He voiced an indignant noise at the person who slapped him. That person happened to be John. Alex gazed into his freckled face before batting the gloves away. 

“Alex, important question, gloves or mittens?” John asked. He held up a pair of both. 

“So, would I rather have my fingers freeze collectively or individually?” Alex wondered sarcastically. Eliza sighed and wandered back over. 

“You’re never going to have any fun if you keep acting like this,” Eliza stated. Alex winced slightly. He had been acting like sort of an ass. He was just trying to make everyone see reason that Alexander Hamilton from Nevis did not, under any circumstances, belong in snow. 

“Sorry ‘liza,” he mumbled. He turned his attention back to the problem at hand. John now stood with him arms crossed, weight shifted onto one hip. 

“Alex, are you going to answer, or do I have to pick for you?” John inquired. He raised an eyebrow as he waited for an answer. 

“Um, mittens. I want to still have my fingers when we get back,” Alex answered reasonably. John smiled and placed them in the buggy. It was full of both gifts and winter gear. Not all of the winter stuff was for him specifically, like the giant box of hand and toe warmers for everyone, but the articles of clothing were defiantly his. 

“Oh shit!” Eliza suddenly exclaimed. She smacked her hand to her forehead before shoving the buggy in John’s direction. “I completely forgot to pick up that necklace I ordered for Maria! I’ll be right back!” She dashed off in the general direction of the jewelry department. Both of the boys waved after her. 

“Alex, I think she just gave you the opportunity to pick out a gift for her,” John said. 

“I just don’t know what to get her!” Alex whined. He was terrible at buying gifts for people. He frantically looked around the store in hopes of something catching his eye. 

John saw it in the same moment that Alex did. It was a lovely scarf patterned in shades of light blue and cream snowflakes. John looked at Alex and nodded. Alex dashed over and grabbed it off the shelf. 

“I should probably go pay for this now, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, here.” John handed him a credit card, one that certainly wasn’t his. He noticed the questioning look on Alexander’s face. “I’ll explain when you’re done, now go!” John shoved Alex in the direction of the cashier. 

Alex quickly paid and hurried back to John. “Explanation, now please,” he demanded. 

“It’s Laf’s card,” John responded.

“Does he know that you have it?”

“He gave it to me.” John held up a hand to stop Alex’s impending question. “Skiing is one of our Marquis’s favorite sport, so he gave me the card to pay for everything. And he likes Christmas. He’d be insulted if we didn’t use it, and I don’t want to deal with a sulking Frenchman for at least five hours in a car, even if he is mostly Herc’s problem.”

“Oh, that actually makes a lot of sense,” Alex decided. Another thing had just been lifted off his conscience. That nagging feeling of how to pay for everything vanished and John saw Alex visibly relax. 

“Come on, Hammy, we’re not done yet!” John slung an arm over Alex’s shoulder.

“Must you call me that?” 

“Yes, now come on!” John planted a kiss on the side of Alex’s face.

“Sorry about that!” Eliza said as she rushed back to them, slightly out of breath. “They had to pull the necklace out from the back. Are we ready to go again?”

“Now that Alex here has had some sense talked into him, we should be good!” John winked at Eliza. She giggled and they moved on. 

* * *

Everything else went rather smoothly. John explained that they would rent all the ski gear Alex needed, so that was one less thing to get. They did, however, get goggles and a helmet because Eliza said it would be better to own that and John agreed.

All in all, Alex didn’t mind what they’d gotten for him. He had grey and black ski pants, black mittens and glove liners, both fleece and normal long underwear, and a cream buff to keep his face warm. John snuck in a deep blue ski hat to get as a gift when Alex wasn’t looking. 

All three of them had been gathering gifts while getting the winter supplies and Alex felt that he was set for Christmas presents. He just wanted to go home; shopping was really wearing him out. 

“One last thing, a coat,” John said and dragged Alex over to them. Alex immediately thought that some of those coats were the ugliest things he’d ever seen in his life. Who in their right mind would want to look like a physical representation of epilepsy? 

“What color are you thinking?” Eliza asked. Alex pondered it for a moment.

“Probably green, but one that doesn’t look so-” Alex made exploding motions with his hands. Eliza nodded and pulled him over to where she saw some green coats.

“How’s this one?” John held up a green coat patterned with large dark green trees at the bottom, making it look similar to a forest landscape. Alex ran his fingers along it and noted the different shades of green and the stars outlined on the top. He felt the inside of it before nodding in approval. It felt warm to him. 

“Great! Let’s go check everything out.” Eliza took Laf’s credit card and the buggy to go pay.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” John said. 

“It could’ve been worse,” Alex responded. 

“C’mon, don’t be so melodramatic! Admit it, you’re looking forward to this trip,” John stated.

“Maybe a little,” Alex answered with a small smile. John nudged him in the arm.

“That’s the spirit!” Alex shook his head with a small blush before going to join Eliza at checkout. 

John yawned. Shopping was exhausting, especially with Alex. He glanced around the store and spotted a familiar beanie. No, it wasn’t Herc, but John was fairly certain it was one that Herc had made. If not, it looked damn close to one of Herc’s. 

“Abe, how ya been!” John called out as he wandered over. Beanie man, Abe, looked up and smiled at John. John clapped him on the shoulder.

“Pretty good, yourself?” Abe asked as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his brown jacket.

“I’m good. I’m here with Alexander and Eliza to pick up some gifts and some winter gear for Alex. Washington invited us up to his ski house for the holidays.”

“Us?” Abe wondered.

“All of us. I’m sure you’ve met most of them. It’s going to be a packed house. Good thing there are so many bedrooms,” John said with a laugh.

“Well, if you need to exile anyone, we’ve got at least two extra bedrooms this year. Our cabin is right next to Washington’s house. It’s just me, Caleb, and Ben this year,” Abe explained. 

“Good to know, thanks. We’re leaving in two days and my job is to figure out how to fit four people’s worth of stuff into a car.”

“Well, good luck. We’re leaving soon as well, though we might beat you up there if you all are driving up as a group,” Abe said.

“Thanks, I’m gonna need it,” John grinned. “Wait right here, I want you to meet someone.” John quickly ran over and dragged Alex over to where Abe stood. 

“John, what in the world are you doing?” Alex complained, annoyed at being dragged away.

“Introducing you to new people. It’s social interaction, get over it!” Abe laughed at John’s comment.

“We were about to leave,” Alex muttered under his breath. John hit him lightly in the arm.

“Alex, this is my friend from Long Island, Abe Woodhull. Abe, this is my boyfriend, Alex Hamilton,” John introduced. They both shook hands.

“Nice to meet you,” Alex said.

“I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other soon. A group of friends and I have a ski cabin next to Washington’s and we’ll be up at the same time you’ll be,” Abe responded. 

“I look forward to it,” Alex added politely. “John, we need to go before Betsy wonders where we are.”

“I apologize for him, we sprung this on Alex last minute and he’s a little grumpy about it,” John told Abe. Abe smiled back and they waved good-bye. John and Alex made their way back to Eliza and all three of them walked out to the car. 

Eliza dropped them off at home with strict instructions to pack and wrap everything the day _before_ they left. John and Alex rolled their eyes and hauled everything inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I share the same opinion on gloves versus mittens as Alex does. And the opinion about some ski coats, because some of them are seriously ugly. But bright colors are especially fun when skiing and snowboarding. 
> 
> Also, new people! A friend and I started watching Turn: Washington's Spies on Netflix and are in love with it! We have many an opinion on that as well, most of which will not be shared here. You don't have to watch the show to understand the characters that much, but I'd still watch it anyways. Caleb and Ben are another OTP of mine, so yes, I include them. 
> 
> At this point, this story is a game of how many characters I can include in this story.


	3. Who's Going To Be Voted Off The Island (Out Of The Car) First?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A car trip with walkie-talkies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voted off the island is a reference to the TV show Survivor.

“So, how long is this car trip again?” Alex wondered as he shoved the last of his bags in the car. Laf rented a large SUV with ski racks on top and plenty of space in the back. John saw it and thought it looked like a tank.

Herc had responded to that statement saying that it would be better to have a tank that could drive in snow than a sports car with no room and got frozen to the ground. Alex had added in that the tank at least had back seat warmers and with the extra space, he wouldn’t be so cramped. Laf told them to drop the subject and just get in the car already!

“Yo Laf, did you MapQuest this thing?” John called up to the front seat once everyone was in. 

“ _Oui_ , and it should only be four hours, but we are waiting for everyone else to get here so they can follow us,” Lafayette explained. 

“Why do we have to wait for them? Would it really be that bad if we just, I don’t know, left without Jefferson?” Alex posed as he plugged his phone into the aux cord. 

“Alex, we’ve been over this. We aren’t leaving anyone behind. And you aren’t allowed to play your music. Need I remind you all about the last time that happened?” Hercules yanked the aux cord away from Alexander. 

“My heart can’t take any more rapping in Spanish,” Laf added. 

“You have no taste,” Alex shot back.

“And you better play some not shit music,” John ordered Herc. “I’m trusting you with this cord and I don’t want it to be a mistake.”

“The only mistake is you not telling me where the hell we’re even going,” Alex muttered.

“Does it really matter if you have fun?” Laf asked. 

“Yes.”

“I’m calling Peggy. They were supposed to be here already,” John declared after a moment of silence from the front seat. He did just that. Peggy picked up and told John that they were less than five away.

“Get excited,” Herc said.

“Um, why? Besides the obvious reasons that I don’t need to be told over and over again?” Alex quickly said. He pulled out his laptop so he’d have a decent distraction in the car. 

“Because the weather forecast is showing at least two inches of snow every day we’re there and it’s never going to get above 23°,” Herc stated. John cheered and pumped his fists into the air several times. 

“That sounds like torture,” Alex said honestly. Why would anyone want to spend time in weather like that?

“You just don’t get it, _mon ami_. That’s prime skiing conditions right there!” Laf exclaimed. 

“Or snowboarding!” Herc interjected. Whatever response Alex might have made was cut off by a tapping on his window. He jumped in his seat and nearly hit his head on the roof when he saw Peggy with her face all but pressed up against the window. 

“Jesus Christ, Peggy, what was that for?” Alex shouted at her through the window. John shoved him over so he could roll down the window for her. Peggy grinned at Alex, who stuck his tongue out at her. 

“I was knocking to let you guys know that we’re here. Also, we brought some snacks for the road if you guys want some. Though, you might have to fight Maria for them,” Peggy pointed out. 

“Whatcha guys got in there?” Herc inquired. “I’m dying for some Doritos.”

“What kind do you want. I think we’ve got both regular and cool ranch, though I’ll have to ask Eliza. Doritos fall under her domain,” Peggy explained. 

“Wait, do you guys have Chex Mix?” Alex managed to push John off of his lap so he could talk to Peggy directly instead of through John’s hair. Not that John’s hair wasn’t glorious, but it was kind of hard to have a conversation though.

“No man is stealing my Chex Mix!” Peggy informed Alex, putting her hands on her hips to add to the effect. She tossed her curly ponytail and stuck her nose up, but the act broke when Lafayette started giggling. Peggy snorted and had to lean into the open window to catch her breath. 

“Yeah, I’ll go check,” Peggy said and walked back to the ‘girls car’, as Angelica had dubbed it. No one argued with her about it. Theo wanted to join but knew there wasn’t room. So she and Burr were in a different car with Jefferson and Madison. 

“Ooh, we should set up our walkie-talkies. _De cette façon, nous pouvons embêter l'enfer de tout le monde_ ,” Laf added in French. John snickered at this. Hercules, once again, just looked confused. 

“Lafayette, _vous êtes le rejeton de satan_ ,” Alexander replied with a smile, also in French.

“Hand them here,” John ordered with his hand out. He made a beckoning motion with his hand and the box of walkies was thus deposited into it. Needless to say, it was quite a bit heavier than John was expecting, as he dropped the box almost immediately. 

“How many of those did you even buy?” Alex asked in slight amazement.

“Just enough for all of us,” Laf answered with a smug look on his face. 

“So, four?” Herc confirmed. John opened the box to check. 

“Apparently ‘all of us’ means twelve. Oh shit, you got the good ones!” John exclaimed. He pulled two out and started setting them to the same channel.

“So, is there a reason that we can’t use our phones?” Alex wondered as he grabbed some walkies and began to help John.

“It’s going to be cold enough up there that they might not work, but these will.” John held up the walkies. “Also, it’s way more fun to annoy people with your voice than with a text.” He winked and Alex snorted. 

“Losers, here’s what I got,” Peggy announced as she came back to their car, her arms full of snacks. “Let’s see, um, a small bag of regular Doritos. Sorry Herc, that’s all she would let go of.” She tossed Hercules the bag, which he caught one-handed. 

“It’s no problem.”

“What else, some Pringles, a bottle of Coke, and one of the bags of M&Ms.” She deposited said items on top of Alex. 

“Peggy, did you have to put them right on top of me?” Alex grumbled.

“Well, where else would I’ve put them?” Peggy countered with a raised eyebrow and a wicked grin. 

“I don’t know, maybe in the large amount of open space that happens to occupy my right side?” Alexander shot back, but with no malice behind it. 

“Alex, I love you, but please stop talking like we’re in one of your law classes. I have to hear about it enough whenever you get back from school every day,” John criticized. He snatched the M&Ms out of Alex’s hand and began popping them into his mouth. 

“Laurens, stop looking like you’re taking drugs,” Lafayette commanded from the front seat. The car had started beeping at him several moments ago as he attempted, and failed, to program the GPS. 

“Hey, fuck you!” John shouted through a mouth full of candy. Herc slowly pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and groaned. 

“Laf, how long did you say this car ride was again? Because if it’s over five hours I might strangle those two in the back,” Herc grumbled, even as he opened the bag of Doritos. 

“See, this would be the part where I’d reassure you that you aren’t stuck in the worst car, but then I realized that you have to deal with those two morons in the backseat. I actually feel bad for you,” Peggy apologized with a sincere look on her face. It was completely ruined when John turned the knob on one of the walkies too far and it made a loud screeching noise. Everyone jumped and then Peggy began to laugh, her ponytail bouncing up and down.

“That’s it, I’m going to murder one of them,” Herc announced softly. Only Lafayette heard.

“ _Mon amor_ , if you are going to kill someone, you don’t say it out loud. Otherwise, you get caught,” the Frenchman said with a knowing look in his eyes and a remarkably straight face. Peggy held up her hands in mock surrender and backed away from the car window in slight fear. John paused briefly from shoving M&Ms into his mouth before shrugging and going back to eating. Alex shot him a questioning look.

“What? If he’d wanted to kill us, he’d have done it ages ago,” John reasoned once he’d swallowed his mouthful of chocolate. “Plus, I know where the knives in the apartment are, so I wouldn’t go down without a fight.”

“What a comforting thought,” Alex deadpanned. “Peggy, here, these four are for your car.” Alex handed over four of the programmed walkies. 

“So, remind me why we’re setting these up now and not when we get there?” Peggy inquired skeptically. Nevertheless, she still grabbed them from Alex. 

“Because it is more fun to talk to people in other cars with your voice than through text,” Laf pointed out. He made a triumphant noise as the GPS finally synced to the satellite. 

“You mean annoy,” Peggy corrected. 

“ _Oui_.”

“Even better. I can’t wait!” Peggy bounced back off to her car.

“What have we just started?” Alex said as if it was going to be the end of the world. 

* * *

 Soon enough, Jefferson and Madison arrived with Burr and Theo in tow. Burr looked as if he wanted someone to save him from the insanity that was Jefferson’s car, but Alex knew better than to ask. Besides, he had Theo with him, so it couldn’t be that bad. 

John immediately disentangled himself from the earbuds on Alex’s laptop as well as the snacks to jump out of the car and hand the other four walkies over. He announced that they were only to be used in emergencies. Madison seemed to pick up on what was being implied and resigned himself to a very long four-hour drive. 

They left soon after, everyone else following Lafayette’s car. Alex pulled up the episodes of _Parks and Recreation_ that he’d downloaded on his computer and gave one set of earbuds to John so they could watch it together. Hercules, true to John’s command, did not play ‘shit music’, which made John happy, even if he wasn’t really listening to it. Laf hummed contently along with the music as they made their way onto the highway.

About two hours in, John and Alex were dying in the backseat from laughter. They’d pulled the blanket that they had up over their head to muffle the sound, but it was still audible in the front. 

“You better share whatever is so damn funny back there or I’m going to remove laptop privileges from you,” Herc commanded, looking back at the quivering blanket. 

“Stop acting like a dad, Mulligan!” John shouted back, though it was repeatedly broken up by his laughter and muffled by the blanket. They’d eventually got their laughter under control when Alex had an idea. 

“John, gimme that walkie,” Alex requested. John put it in his outstretched hand with a grin. He’d seemingly come up with the same idea that Alex had. Alex backed their episode of _Parks and Rec_ up to the point where they’d started laughing. 

“Should I say it or should you?” John whispered. Alex nodded at John to let him know that he should do the honors. John snorted when he read the subtitles on the screen, but quickly composed himself.

“ _I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s tv program called Doc McStuffins. There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins_ ,” John miraculously read with a straight face. He even managed to catch some of the nuances of Ron Swanson’s voice as he did so. Alex had to continuously smother his own laughter so he didn’t ruin the effect of the ‘quiet’.

John had ensured that all of the walkies that he’d given everyone in the other cars were turned up to full volume so that such a scenario could be played out if needed. Both Lafayette and Hercules heard it from John and the walkies. 

Herc started roaring with laughter and Laf had to work hard to not jerk the car off the road as he whooped at the quote. It wasn’t long after that they began to get responses from the other cars. Maria was first. All anyone heard at first was the sound of the girls still snickering. John felt very proud of himself at his accomplishment. 

“John, Angelica told me to inform you that you’re in for it whenever we arrive. Peggy found the whole thing hysterical and says that you need to continue at every possible opportunity. And Eliza is still quietly laughing beside me. Did I miss anything?” Maria reported. 

“Nope!” Peggy added, popping the p. Her voice was slightly static from the distance between her and Maria.

“I’d like to point out that we had four radios going off at the same time, which meant that we had four times the volume for that joke there,” Burr interjected dryly. Theo’s full laugh could be heard as well as Jefferson’s cackling. 

“You woke me up from my nap,” Madison muttered sleepily into his own radio. 

It was true. If one were to look in the car occupied by Jefferson, Madison, Burr, and Theo, they would find James curled up in the front seat, completely covered with a blanket and with a box of tissues beside him. 

“Thomas, pay attention to the road!” Burr could be heard shouting at Jefferson through Madison’s radio. This caused Theo to descend into another fit of laughter and all the members of Lafayette’s car to do the same. 

“I’m sorry! I just can’t get over the idea of John being a father!” Jefferson gasped through his laughs. 

“It’s called a fucking quote, Jefferson!” Alex yanked the radio out of John’s hand and shouted into it. John glared at him and yanked it back in retaliation, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriend.

“John, feel free to continue to do this over the next hour while we’re still driving,” Angelica interrupted sarcastically. John rolled his eyes at this, but only Alex saw this beneath the blanket. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be driving?” John asked. 

“Peggy’s holding the walkie for me,” Angelica explained. 

“Is this the reason you gave us these? So you could continuously annoy us on the car trip?” Burr questioned. 

“Oh, lighten up, Aaron.” Theo’s response could be heard through Burr’s still transmitting walkie. 

“No.”

“ _Oui_.”

“Absolutely.” 

John, Lafayette, and Peggy all said simultaneously. Hercules was holding the walkie for Lafayette. 

“Dammit, Peggy!” Alex shouted into John’s walkie. He wasn’t angry, though. He was just mildly upset that she was ratting them out like that. 

“If you don’t have anything productive to say, I’m turning this off for the rest of the trip. I was doing work before you interrupted me,” Burr stated. 

“Wait wait wait. There is something, thanks for reminding me. So Alex and I ran into Abe, Abraham Woodhull, at the store a few days ago. You remember Abe, he’s the one with the beanie from Long Island. Well, he said that he and Caleb and Ben are also coming up for skiing over the holidays and their cabin is right next to Washington’s,” John explained into the walkie. 

“Hell yeah!” Angelica’s whoop of excitement could be heard through Maria’s transmitting radio.

“Don’t get me wrong about my lack of excitement, but who are we ‘hell yeah’ing about?” Theo wondered. Angelica, and John, for that matter, could both forget that they knew people that not everyone else did. 

“Benjamin Tallmadge and Caleb Brewster. Both of them and Abe grew up together on Long Island. Ben and Caleb have been dating since before I met either of them. I took a few summer classes at Yale and met Ben there. He’s super hot and super into guys, so that’s a loss for everyone but Caleb, who would be up most weekends when he wasn’t fishing. We stayed friends and I met Abe when all three moved to the city,” Angelica clarified. Peggy must’ve still been holding the walkie for her. Everyone could hear her munching on chips in the background. 

“Okay, that’s all great, but how do the rest of you know them?” Theo wanted to know.

“I don’t know them,” Maria added. 

“Neither do I,” Alexander complained. 

“I think most of us know them through association. What a blessing,” Madison muttered before sneezing.

“C’mon Jemmy, they aren’t all that bad,” Jefferson reasoned, though he was a little difficult to hear over the radio blasting in the car. 

“Thomas, the last time we all went out together, you ended up passed out in the middle of the bar after Abe nearly punched you in the face. Not to mention you probably had more than the legal amount of alcohol in you at that point,” Madison sounded vaguely annoyed at that point, but it may have been the slight rasping in his throat. 

Alex was very thankful that Lafayette had thought to bring some cold medicine. No doubt that Madison had some as well in their car. Being sick AND being in the cold was not a good combination.

“Jefferson, if you don’t turn that radio I will be forced to remove it from the car,” Burr threatened. This must’ve been an old complaint, as everyone could practically hear the eye roll in Theo’s voice as she told her fiancee to drop it.

“Thank you for finally bringing this up, John. Would’ve been helpful several days ago when I’d actually had enough supplies to make decent gifts for them,” Herc complained, albeit slightly sarcastically. 

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t bring enough yarn and whatever other shit to fill the front seat,” John shouted up to the front. 

“ _Mon ami_ , please don’t shout while I’m in the process of driving. I’m in a position where I could, how you say, kill you all if you distract me,” Lafayette commented. 

“Careful, don’t tempt me,” Angelica said.

“You love us, Angie,” Peggy reasoned.

“You’re getting crumbs all over my car.”

“Can we not? I’d like to have all my sisters intact for the holidays,” Eliza pleasantly requested. 

“Sorry ‘Liza,” Peggy could be heard muttering before a click sounded that signaled she’d turned off her radio.

“Thank god this is over,” Madison mumbled before doing the same. 

“Hey! Don’t turn all of them off!” John exclaimed. No one chose to respond. John pouted underneath the blanket that still contained him, Alexander, and the laptop, which Alex had taken to stroking the top of during the entire conversation. 

“Laurens, you are an ass,” Hercules claimed. “Now I have to make gifts for all three of them and I only have like five balls of yarn.”

“Balls,” Laf snickered. An _ow_ could be heard and Herc reached out and smacked Laf in the back of the head. 

“Herc, I’ve seen you make hats in less than an hour and Christmas is over a week away. You’ll be fine,” Alex reassured. 

“And you can probably finish at least one in the hour left we have of driving,” Laf explained sensibly. 

“Alright, let me put on some rock and do this thing,” Herc said, turning up the loud electric guitar music. John grinned and started jamming along while Alex simply listened. How much longer was this car ride again? 

* * *

 “We’re here!” Lafayette called out in a sing-songy voice from the front seat as the car came to a stop in front of a sign. 

Alex looked out the window and read it. ‘ _Welcome to Valley Forge! Hope you enjoy your stay!_ ’

“Valley Forge, more like hell,” Alexander muttered darkly. 

“C’mooooon Alex! Stop brooding and help me with the alcohol!” John called out from the trunk. Alex begrudgingly pulled his hat down over his eyes and got out in the cold to carry the vodka into his home for the next two weeks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allergies suck and make me tired, so writing is really hard. I had a good amount of this finished before they hit and then motivation went out the window. This chapter got a lot longer because of the walkie idea, which is totally something that I would do if placed in such a situation. I also have a cruel sense of humor with the name of the ski resort being Valley Forge. Don't worry, it will be no where near as bad as actual Valley Forge. Also, historical fun fact, Hamilton would occasionally stroke some of his cannons or other of his possessions after a battle when he was still a Captain in the army, hence why he is stroking the laptop. This chapter just makes me ridiculously happy.
> 
> French translations:  
> De cette façon, nous pouvons embêter l'enfer de tout le monde: In this way, we can annoy the hell of everyone  
> Vous êtes le rejeton de satan: you are the spawn of the devil, or more accurately, you are the offspring of satan


End file.
